NATIONAL MEMORIAL ARBORETUM

I took Beryl here for the day.  We’ve been meaning to visit for some time now and eventually got there last Sunday.  What an amazing place!  The memorials are stunning, every one is different.  There’s a 150 acres to walk around with lots of unusual trees and shrubs.  It has been beautifully planted.  We took a flask and sandwiches as there are lots of benches to sit on within the arboretum.  There’s also a restaurant and tea rooms offering delicious food and drink.  They have a gift shop too.  We really enjoyed our visit and for once Beryl didn’t moan!  A great day out and well worth a visit.  Opening times are 9am – 5pm every day.  Tel: 01283 792333.  info@thenma.org.uk.

When we got home Beryl went to her bedroom and hit the vodka bottle and I went into the front room, lit the fire and switched on my battery operated flickering candles.  I’ve been using these little candles forever and they fill the place with a warm and mysterious Casablancan ambience.  I’m so overcome by this ambience that I have to change into a long flowing flowery dress, striped headscarf and loafers and get my gold plated cigarette holder out.  I accompany all this with a good smudging of Ives St. Laurent lipstick in Torte et Tart Rouge.  Luckily for me by this time Beryl has collapsed on the bed sleeping off the effects of the vodka; no chance of her catching me enjoying myself.  The only downside is that my reveries are disturbed by the sound of Beryl’s snoring and chomping followed by the occasional slurp.  Tiddles loves the candles too as when we use them I don’t have the big light on which means the mice can’t see me and Tiddles sitting on the settee watching Countryfile and I’m thrilled that Tiddles has caught four mice in as many hours.  Some of the switches on the candles are dodgy, I remember in winter I switched a candle on and it wouldn’t switch off and this is no word of a lie, it was burning for ten days 24 hours a day.  As it was winter, dark at 4pm and the curtains were open, the lights had the adverse effect of attracting some of the less salubrious local male specimens on their way to the Pig ‘n’ Whistle.  Luckily at this time of day Beryl has only had 2 vodkas and on this occasion was able to coherently tell them to go away.  So if you have these candles and they won’t switch off, its wintertime and your curtains are open, cover the candles with a tea towel.