Dads aren't usually much good communicating with teenage daughters. Usually they only get by, by remaining silent as much as possible.However, at times they have to answer questions, give instructions (for ignoring, of course) and give opinions. Most Dads know that their opinion ranks lower than pond slime, but it's necessary to give it anyway.
Some utterances are invitations to disaster. Avoid these at all costs for a quiet life:
1. Give me your mobile so I can check you calls.You'd be better off finding a grizzly bear and kicking it in the ribs with your spiked hiking boots.
2. Have you put on weight?
3. No, you can't have an iPhone. You can have mum's old phone instead, it's nice and simple.
4.If she says, "Do you like my hair?" NEVER ask, "Why, what have you done to it?"
5. 'Is that a new top you've got on?' (response: "I bought this thing 2 years ago!")
6. Why do you need brand names? Can't you just wear cheap clothes?
7. Is that a spot on your nose?
8. I phoned that lad you were talking to in town the other day and asked him round for lunch. Is that OK?
9. I'm confiscating your iPod, because of your bad report.
10. I've invited your teacher over for dinner.
Saying ANY of these reckless things will ensure a volcanic eruption of vitriol from your teenager. All 10 is just plain masochistic insanity, and could disrupt the universe, cause earthquakes and bad TV reception.
Teenagers certainly make life interesting. Remember how bored you were as one? I bet that's gone since you've had your own!
