With a very shaky sweaty hand, feeling sick to the core I clasped at my mug of vodka and I wrote my resignation from my 4 th job in 2 years having been sent home for being intoxicated.
 
That was February. Now it’s June and I’m sitting in the office at SUIT as a volunteer, sipping black coffee, a changed person.
 
My addictive personality has trudged me through years of substance use. I used to smoke weed like there was no tomorrow, and for a good few years would only get out of bed to go to work if I knew there was cocaine and a shot or two on the breakfast menu. Working as a caterer on the rock & roll circuit this was rarely an issue.
 
I realised my addiction was starting to impact more than just my year-round ‘hayfever’. Colleagues were pulling away from me at work and I was excluding myself more and more from social events in preference of getting high and drunk. I tried to get out of the industry and away from my vices but it’s never that easy!
 
I tried just stopping smoking which seemed to trail off, amazingly. The last joint I had knocked me off my feet and I hated it. That was a revelation. The guilt and fear around my cocaine obsession was starting to outweigh the enjoyment I got from it and somehow, I simply didn’t do it anymore. Alcohol, however, was a different matter entirely.
 
I completed a community detox, on two occasions. I have been to 3 different counsellors and filled in a fair few drinks diaries – I don’t know who I was writing about, but it certainly wasn’t a true reflection of what I was imbibing! I stopped drinking for about 2 years but then thinking I had a handle on things I faltered, enjoyed a pint or two and within a week was utterly obsessed again. 3 more years of abusing my body, mind, emotions, family and friends bought me to my last resignation, a vow to move away from catering forever and a residential rehab.
 
Rehab was life changing. It had to be. I went in full of fear, knowing nothing other than that I was broken. I was more or less convinced that the world would be a better place without me. I was incredibly fortunate to get the help that I did when I did. Not everyone is in the same position to have an extraordinarily tolerant support network behind them. I fully appreciate how fortunate I am to be given this opportunity and am embracing my sobriety with everything I have.
 
I left rehab with a new passion for life and enormous gratitude to those who had helped me. I wanted to be able to help people as they had. I was desperate to give something back. I had no job to return to and having worked solely in hospitality, which I was now sworn off as much as the alcohol, all I had to offer is my experiences and a great willingness to learn.
 
Someone suggested that voluntary work would open doors into a career in recovery support, so I started searching and came across SUIT. Inspired by the idea of what they did, then seeing their work, connections, accolades and testimonies I was straight on the phone and fortunate enough to be taken on as a volunteer. To say aloud that I have very little idea of what I exactly I want to do, but I would like to do it here – and I have years of drug and alcohol abuse under my belt, isn’t how your average interview goes!
 
Still within my first month at SUIT and pursuing courses suggested by the team I am already seeing a career in a new and positive way. I feel so welcome in this incredible organisation and am thoroughly enjoying learning the little details and seeing a much bigger picture than I have for years through the bottom of a bottle. I have found in SUIT a way to take my negative experiences and help others and aim to continue to do so creating a career in some avenue of this along the way.
 
Thank you, Heidi, (Volunteer Support Worker at SUIT)